just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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