you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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