i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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