dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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