so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
