Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize