someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
