Well apparently he's into motor boating.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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