i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
