Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
