the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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