fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
