Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
