We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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