You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize