but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think my vagina is haunted
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
