There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
