fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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