Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
