Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I stole a fireplace last night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
