Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize