This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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