he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
two words: eviction party
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize