He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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