I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
