He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
