i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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