Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
