I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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