he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
