toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
