Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
