Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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