my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
