Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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