I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
