I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you didnt know i had herpes?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
