Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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