yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
