i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
