3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
