i just google imaged poop.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
