My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
