I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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