I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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