fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
