Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
