yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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