I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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