the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
