Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Less talking, more tequila
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
