Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
