omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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