goodnight i made you a song goodbye
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
