If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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