I smell stomach acid.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You left your underwear on the fireplace
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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