I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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