she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize