Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
