U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
