I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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