So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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