My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize