Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Send help, water and tortillas.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
