god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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