Already got asked if we're dating
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Randomize
