Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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