update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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