When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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