I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Are we still banned from the library?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
