So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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