I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
