my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
