sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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