we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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