I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
