things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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