i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
