i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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