called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize