Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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