Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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