The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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