I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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