last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
