i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
