FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
