I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
