i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just forgot I was standing up.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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