meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
