yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
