theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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