Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize