i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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