Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
