why do cheetos always look like penises
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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