are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
