Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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