dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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