walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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