Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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