Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
