Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
