I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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