so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
