The best revenge is premature balding
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
