As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize