Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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