Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
